Hope in the Storm

Since my last post, I have completed treatment 3 & 4, and am preparing for treatment 5 this coming Monday.  Treatment 3 was rough physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.  I've always had a pretty high pain tolerance, so I can take a lot, but I've learned that there is a limit for everything!  I felt bad, there is no hiding that, but it wasn't HOW I felt so much as how LONG it lasted!  I have said from the beginning that my mental game gets me in everything, so when I anticipate rough days only lasting 4-5 days and on day 8 or 9 there hasn't been any relief, I get in a bit of a"snit"(so called by my precious friend at church, Mrs. Crump).  Seeing my frustrations, my oncologist agreed to reduce my dosage for treatment 4, and what a difference that made!  I felt a new since of hope in being able to make it to the end!
Hope, is all any of us are really looking for right?  Whether you are a believer in Christ or not, we all need hope.  Its what gets us through the day.  Once someone has lost hope, they have nothing.
A few weeks ago, my pastor came in during Sunday school and mentioned how he sure could have used my testimony in his sermon that he was about to preach.  He was teaching about having hope through faith during hard times. I told him that I would be willing to share anytime, and I could do that on the fly.  He asked if I would be willing to share in worship that morning, and I agreed right away.  ( just so you know, that was God agreeing to that, because I am such an emotional person, I wasn't sure that I could actually stand there and get words out without sobbing through it all!)
So here was my moment, to share whatever I wanted about having hope through faith... what would I say?  I could probably preach a whole sermon on that and I only had 3-4 minutes to share "hope in a nutshell"!
I knew what I needed to say, it was just that I needed to put it in a sequence that had the right flow.  I talked about how God had been preparing me long before I knew it. I talked about Daniel 3 and those 3 fellas that were in the fiery furnace. And finally I talked about 3 things that I have learned.
1. God shows up every time.  Many times we feel like God has abandoned us because we can't "hear" him.  We put God in a box and we expect this big booming voice to come from the heavens and be so profound that we can't miss it.  However, God is way more creative than that and doesn't communicate with me that way.  He uses songs... like when I kept hearing "He knows my name" over and over in my head.  He uses people, who say just the thing I need to hear at just the right time.  And he uses situations...like when I went to the oncologist after round 3 and told him I was ready to quit and he told me he would back off the dosage.  For many, it would be easy to give credit to the doctor, but I know that God gave him the wisdom to know how to receive some of my pain and stress. God used my doctor as a tool to give me comfort when He knew I was at my wits end!
2. Nothing surprises God.  We so often get in a rut when things don't go our way.  We question why and how we get in the situations we are in. We are surprised by circumstances that we never saw coming, but God isn't.  He has planned out every second of our lives and every second counts!  We are put here as witnesses to His goodness and grace.  He holds all the pieces to the puzzle that we are, and one at a time He places the pieces where they go.  As we see the pieces, we get frustrated because we don't know what the final picture is going to be.  This is where we learn the biggest lesson in faith!  We have to trust that no matter how we get there or what the outcome is, God is creating in us a masterpiece!
3. If there is a communication problem with God, the problem is on my end.  God is constant, He never changes.  We on the other hand change continuously!  Our moods change, our thoughts change, our situations change... there isn't much constant about us at all.  If I can't connect with God then I have to start looking and listening harder.  The first way to do this is through praise and thanksgiving.  This is important for 2 reasons: One, if I am praising Him then there is no time to feel sorry for myself  and two, because by praising and thanking Him I change my mindset from negative to positive.  Its hard to see how many things are working in my favor when a few things aren't going the way I planned.  It takes a lot of positives to outweigh just one negative.  So, if I begin looking for ways that God is working for me, then I change my whole attitude.
The day after my testimony, I had treatment #4...and God showed mercy on me.  That week we also went to the Rock & Worship Roadshow and saw one of our favorite bands, Crowder.  It was an awesome night of praise as I stood there with Corey, the girls, Clay, and Clayton, singing at the top of our lungs!  But one song stuck out, I AM.  In the chorus it says, "I am, holding on to you, I am, holding on to you. In the middle of the storm, I'm holding on, I am."  As I stood there I realized I have made it past the eye of the storm and I am working my way across the backside.  This storm, once seemingly too big to face, is about to pass!  It promises to be rough until the end, but I am so glad He is holding onto me!  Listen for yourself and let God speak to your heart! http://youtu.be/mw4ES27w3oU