The Holy Spirit

I know I am not blogging as fast as some of you might prefer, but I have my reasons. I have to be in my mojo when it comes to writing. I don't take it lightly. I have to make sure that it represents what is on my heart, that it reflects my beliefs, and that it will have a positive influence.
Anyways, as a short update, I am doing great and tomorrow is HALF WAY!  My last treatment should be March 23, which used to seem like light years away, but not so much today!
My last treatment went well and I was able to manage my symptoms much better!  They were not as strong, even though they stuck around about 2 days longer than before.  I still get to have an awesome 3rd week though, where things are "old normal", so for that I am SUPER GRATEFUL!
The real thing that drove me to blog tonight was the message in church today. Our pastor talked extensively about the Holy Spirit.  We studied Acts, when the Holy Spirit is presented and becomes a permanent part of salvation.  For the past year or so I have heard lots of teaching about the Holy Spirit and even had an added appreciation for the Holy Spirit several years ago as I read The Shack.
People who are not believers don't understand the concept of the Holy Spirit, and probably think the rest of us are crazy!  The on-lookers in Acts thought that those who had been affected by the Holy Spirit had been drinking too much wine!  Well, as one who hasn't had any wine, or other adult beverage in at least 4 years, you can't blame my beliefs on that!
Today we were challenged to listen for the Holy Spirit through ourselves (that voice in your heart that tugs at you), through others, and through circumstances.  I have been able to feel the Holy Spirit tug at me many times in the past, but since July, I can say that I have HEARD him speak to me directly. I cannot tell you how shocking and awesome it is! I want to share a few key times when I heard the Lord speak to me through the Holy Spirit.
Back in July when I finally went to the doctor and began the process of diagnosis, I wanted to believe that everything is going to turn out good.  I will be healthy... Things like this show up all the time and it is nothing... People surrounding me tried help me remain positive, and believed that it would be nothing.  This is what we are trained to do...be positive, never think of all the bad things that could happen, you can make yourself crazy if you let your mind to that.  I wanted to be that positive person who could walk through each day knowing that tests were going to come back and it was going to be nothing, but something in my heart stopped that from happening.  I knew from the very beginning that this was going to be something.  I knew it because every time I tried to lean in that direction there was the thing in my heart saying "it is something, but just trust".  Definitely not what you want to hear, however it was amazing the peace that I had.  Given how my personality is, I should have been crying everyday, but I wasn't.  I should have been in the bed feeling sorry for myself, but that never happened.  I truly believe that Holy Spirit gave me what I needed, when I needed it.
Once I was diagnosed there was still a peace, but of course I had my moments where it all just became too overwhelming.  I remember thinking one day, "why me".  It wasn't a question that I had asked yet, and I knew that it was a whiney approach to dealing with my feelings at the time.  But no sooner than I had finished thinking it, I heard a voice, clear as day say, "why not you?"  And then it was laid on my heart that I am no better than anyone else that had gone before me and dealt with suffering.  Why my friend who has fought cancer most of her life, and not me?  Why my friend's son who had a kidney transplant at the age of 3, and not me?  Why my friend's wife who needs a lung transplant that she isn't strong enough to receive, and not me?  I am no different than all of these others, who's lives were turned upside down by suffering. Talk about a lesson in being humble!  But I am so grateful for that lesson and for what I heard that day!  It has changed how I see things in my journey, and hopefully it will have an impact on others by me sharing it.
The other time I clearly heard the Lord speak to me was the month before my surgery.  Like I said, I had peace about everything for the most part, but we all have our moments.  During that month, at random times thoughts would sneak in my head and I would get worried or scared.  EVERY time one of those thoughts popped in my head these words chased them, "He knows my name".  At first I couldn't figure out why I kept hearing this, but after a few days I heard the song, He Knows My Name, by Francesca Battistelli on the radio and it all made sense.  From then on, when this lyric was in my head, I would trace my thoughts back and I would realize I had been worrying again.  At that point, it became kind of funny!  It's so stinking COOL how God uses the Holy Spirit to give us comfort, even when we don't realize we need it!
As I said at the beginning, my treatments have gone great, but everyday is not all sunshine and roses. I have my days that are tough, but I know in my heart, they could be so much worse!  God prepared me for this journey many months before I took the first step on the path.  He has provided me with the Holy Spirit, who walks ahead of me as a guide, beside me as a father and friend, and behind me  so that he can whisper encouragement all along the way.  As I reflect on how much God loves me to provide me with a direct connection to him, I am humbled, blessed, and in total awe.  I don't understand people who can't see this goodness or want to be part of it.  My heart aches for them because I don't know how they have a sense of purpose or any hope for tomorrow.  My prayer is that by sharing my story, everyone who reads this will walk away with a magnified respect and unmatched desire for the Holy Spirit, which is a gift to us through eternal salvation!