The Missing Christmas

About 2 weeks after my stay in the hospital, my Mamaw fell at her house and hit her head. we met her in the ER where she checked out ok. The following day she went home with my mom and aunt to stay with them until the cut on her head healed. After a few days things got worse. She started to get sore and eventually stopped getting out of the bed. She ended up having several cracked vertebrae and had to have surgery. So, she has been with my mom and aunt this whole time.
As the holidays approached, we began talks about what Christmas would be like this year. Would Mamaw be coming home for Christmas? Would we have Christmas at Holly Lake? Would all of our family be together at all? Well, turned out she wouldn't be home in time for the holidays. We would have to have Christmas with her while we were at Holly Lake with my parents. This didn't seem like a big deal at the time. We would still get to see her, give her gifts, etc. And we did. We spent time with her while we were there. The girls loved seeing her and knowing she was getting better.
It wasn't until the Candle Light Service on Christmas Eve that it sunk in. If you read my blog about that, you already know how emotional I get during that service. As I was standing there singing songs and lifting up prayers, I prayed for those families that had soldiers away at war, or who were spending Christmas for the first time without a loved one, or who's families just couldn't be together. That's when it got me....we were one of those families!!!! We were the family that wouldn't all be together for the holidays. Then I thought of my Mamaw's dark house, with no Christmas lights, and no Christmas tree, no lighted holiday village, no ornaments with our pictures hanging on the tree. I stood there and fought back huge tears that filled my eyes, because then I thought of her. If this was this hard for me, how incredibly hard did it have to be for her?! All of my life we have always been at Mamaw's on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, (depending on the rotation). Which also meant that all my life she has always had us there on those days, and really longer than that, because I am not the oldest grandchild. I can't imagine how sad those thoughts were for her (and I know that she had them, I get my sensitivity from her!)
All she has ever wanted was her independence and now she is to the point that she may not get to be quite as independent as she was just 2 months ago. There is talk about selling or renting her house and her moving to Holly Lake permanently. Not that I don't think that might be best for her since she would be closer to her children who could take care of her. However, it is heartbreaking to think that Christmas will never be the same. There are so many questions. Will we ALL ever get together anymore? Will my kids know who their extended family is? Will they have the memories of those family get togethers that I hold so dearly in my heart?
While there are no answers at this point, I can only hope for the best. I hope that Mamaw is happy and healthy, I hope that the rest of my family feels as strongly as I do about wanting to continue to be together, and I hope that we will all pull together and put forth the effort to make that happen. To all of my cousins that we didn't get to see for Christmas, we love you and pray that you have a wonderful start to the new year! All our love!